Injured Worker Day

This Saturday, June the First is Injured Worker Day. If I am able, I will be meeting other injured workers and those who support them at Queens Park in Toronto.

I recall the first time that I attended this important demonstration at Queens Park. I did so on a mobility scooter. Thankfully, if I can go this year, I will be on foot. (Others will not be as fortunate).

Today’s discussion is a sombre one. I received no less than 20-30 separate messages yesterday advising me that in the “Copy Cat” Chronicle Page, the administrator of that group made it his personal quest to launch an attack questioning the legitimacy of the fact I am disabled. I won’t go into specifically what, or who I think prompted this attack, but I suspect the current attack is politically motivated.

I also will not (nor should I need to) share specifics about my particular medical details or the precise nature of my disability… because it is none of their business.

The political discussions I post daily are having an impact and this is just the most recent attempt to silence me. I will continue posting. After all, I have 218 more posts to consider and we have another municipal budget cycle to live through. I suspect the number of people quietly supporting these discussions will grow.

I do want to share an important message to everyone in today’s discussion. It is not our place, (any of us) to judge those who through no fault of their own end up in a life that involves limitations others are not affected by. In many cases of disability, that disability cannot be seen. Those of us unfortunate enough to be labelled with the title disabled, handicapped or whatever phrase you wish to use, do not choose this life. Despite a disability that has been deemed to be permanent, I actually consider myself lucky. I know so many who are less fortunate with a variety of ailments, illness or situations where their lives have been (and will continue to be) a struggle. Having worked in the Emergency Medical Services for 17 years, I have also been witness to some absolutely incredible acts of strength and resilience, not just in my patients and their families, but also in fellow Paramedics who have suffered tragic injuries. I have witnessed people overcome what appeared to be insurmountable struggles. These people have motivated me to live every day to my fullest despite my very real limitations. Sadly, I also have the images of many who could not overcome some of these struggles associated with disability, burnt into my soul. To honour their memory and validate their struggles, I will NEVER let pathetic, desperate political antagonists bully me due to my disabilities and because of my political opinions.

Although I will not discuss the specific nature of my disability, I will discuss the nature of the injury that forever changed my life. In 2007, while carrying a cardiac patient out of his home in Elmvale, I broke my back. My partners assisted me into the back of the Ambulance to care for the patient as there was no time to wait for a second Paramedic Unit to respond. We arrived at RVH minutes later and that would be the last patient I ever cared for! I miss going to work every day and would jump back in the Ambulance again tomorrow if it were possible. But… I cannot, and it took years to adjust to that realization. Simply because of two small fractures my life changed forever. However… the actual injury did not end my career. The surgical team at St. Mikes were able to put me back together (with some extra titanium) and I looked forward to returning to work. Complications that followed the surgery however, resulted in a rapid decline and diagnosis of a permanent career ending disability was made. But I looked fine. In fact, when MOST people see me, I do look “fine”. When you don’t see me… “not so fine” is an appropriate and understated description.

The pathetic person who initiated this current bullying actually said he bumped into me at a local business and he inferred that somehow this meant I could not possibly be handicapped. Seriously? I also attended the grand opening of our Twin Pad arena a while back, so somehow THAT was important as well because I was not seen to be using any mobility aids. In fact according to him, I had been seen several times in the east end of town moving around freely. I guess he thinks people with disabilities should just stay home if they live in the west end of town.

For those people who suffer disabilities that are not visible, this struggle of “being unjustly judged” is difficult. Although our journeys are different, something has changed us forever (each of us in different ways). Although I walk on two feet and I am able to complete most tasks other people can, I am actually now permanently disabled. There are various symptoms and clinical findings (some-very private) that contribute to this ultimate decision, but that decision was made. My family doctor agrees! The neurosurgeon who conducted the surgery to rebuild me and made the original diagnosis, well… he agrees! The adjudicators at the Workers Compensation Board agreed! The medical review team with my long term disability provider agreed. The doctors and decision makers reviewing files for Canada Disability agreed. My family and my closest friends see me at my worst and they agree. All of these professionals have seen the MRI’s, they have built or read the medical charts. But now… a person who does not share that information and knows nothing about me has launched his bullying attack. Oh… he is also upset at my political posts. I suspect the two issues are related. I will not avoid political engagement to avoid these bullies!

So…. Why should I have to publicly come on Social Media and defend myself? Social media is filled with curious people. When an accusation is made and someone does not defend themselves, people tend to think the worst. So I choose to fight back. I choose to be heard.

This is NOT the first time I have endured this kind of intimidation. A few years ago, photos were circulated of me loading hockey bags into a trailer for Rotary. For the record, none of my medical charts say I am unable to complete such a task. But the fellow who posted the photo, encouraged everyone on Facebook to call the 1-800 fraud line at WSIB to report the photo. Somehow, he felt qualified to judge me. So… I called the number he posted the very next day…. I offered to share the original photo. Guess what? Nothing changed with the status of my disability file, except it had an extra page of comments.

It gets worse. Because I manage my condition(s) with a wide variety of medications, the same people have launched public accusations of drug abuse in their Facebook chatting. Nothing could be further from the truth! But how do you defend yourself when these attacks are launched? Should I have people live a week in my shoes? No, I wouldn’t actually wish that on anyone. Perhaps launch litigation? That costs thousands of dollars in up front costs, so that’s not going to happen. No… the sad part of this is there is nothing short of a medical review that would validate my conditions. Those entitled to the information in that review have already seen the results. They made their decisions 17-18 years ago and they review the files annually.

The sad reality is, I could end all of the bullying tomorrow. All I would have to do is forget how disgusted I am with our present Mayor and Council. If I were to go silent now, a week from now they would never mention me again. THAT is not going to happen!

In fact, I am motivated by these attacks and I have decided that I will dedicate even more of my time and resources to exposing irresponsible waste of our tax dollars and I will continue to discuss any malfeasance nonfeasance or misfeasance I feel is taking place.

My hope in responding to these attacks is not for any personal satisfaction. There is no winner in these shameful attacks or in my defense, regardless of what I write here. I actually suspect the bullies will simply continue regardless of any public judgement. Instead I am making everyone aware of this issue so we can all contribute to a kinder, more understanding community if we choose to do so.

What I ask of all of us today is to do a personal check on our own judgements and possible biases. Think if you have ever sized someone up and made assumptions about them solely based on your limited observations. Can you see their cardiac function? Can you see their remaining strength? Can you feel their pain? Can you imagine them having debilitating fear but not knowing what triggers that fear? Can you know what medications have made it possible for them to be there at that place in time? Can you see their struggles? Can you tell by looking at them how they will appear in five minutes? More often than not, the answer to all of those questions is NO. IF, that (or similar observations) have ever led to any bias in your mind, please simply pause and reflect.

I have felt judged… On the few occasions that I used a cane previously, people often walked past, then glance back and did a double take. On the instances where I used a mobility scooter, people actually stared and it actually looked like they were trying to figure out why I was using it. After all… they don’t SEE a disability. I have had my wife tell me there is another car lurking up the street, so I exit our home knock on their window and discover they are conducting an investigation of “someone” in the community. I simply tell them I will notify the police of their presence for everyone’s safety. (I am not alone in these experiences).

For those who have followed my posts for years, you may recall my telling the story of someone spitting on the hood of my car at the grocery store and yelling at me for using handicapped parking. Why would a big guy with no visual disability need such an accommodation? Similar attacks have happened to me no less than 5 or 6 times in recent years.

Why should those of us in our situations have to endure this type of behaviour? Well, we shouldn’t. But we do because some people are just plain ignorant and the personal cost of fighting ignorance is often a cost we cannot afford. In fact, it even becomes harder if you are fighting organized, well funded criticism. So, usually we just take it and move on. For me… not today, I will take it, but I will not “move on”. Not on their terms.

Please, please, please… do not feel sorry for me or any others who I know are affected by this ongoing dilemma called “living the best life possible”. Instead, look to those who inflict these attacks and direct your anger and pity at them.

If after self reflection you realize you have been unjustly judgmental in the past, just learn from today’s discussion and be better. I think this practice of self reflection makes us better people and keeps us humble.

Watch for me in the community and please say hello. You might see me carrying bags of groceries. I might be seen at a public event without a cane. You might even spot me walking around the east end of town. (Imagine THAT!) But rest assured, most of the time, you just won’t see me because I will be home… in bed. That is my choice. That is my way of coping. The choices I make daily about my activities are not accidental. My days are deliberate and planned and I adjust those days as I need to in order to make it to the next day.

My “abilities” have not changed in 18 years. My coping mechanisms have. Will I ever be capable again of satisfying an employer by even showing up every day? No, I doubt it. If the grocery run I did yesterday means I only have a few hours of good time today, I will spend those hours doing what is most important to me and that almost always includes being with family or helping others.